The microwave
by black angel falling
Summary: spencer gets his head stuck in a microwave. on the side kai trys to get hiro's attention. authors note please read!
1. uh oh

**wheeeee!! another story be me! i thought of this one when i was brushing my teeth what a weird place to think up a story. its my sisters first day of school tomorrow!! on tuesday the 19th!! i bet my mum will start crying. lol. i'll be there to see her. anyway here's the first chap enjoy!!

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The microwave

**Chapter one**

…**uh oh**

It was a snowy day in Russia, as usual. The snow was falling, people were slipping on ice and falling on there backsides, people were drinking hot chocolate or coffee or tea or cold apple juice.

'Kai, its fucking freezing in here and your drinking cold apple juice?' Bryan asked. He couldn't understand how Kai could drink something cold when the room was like a freezer.

'I like apple juice.'

'Dude, your weird.'

Ian sat up on his bed. 'Hey I've an idea, I'll put the heating on!'

Everyone looked at him. Everyone in question was Kai, who was sitting on the floor leaning against Tala, who was drinking hot chocolate. Spencer was sitting on the floor, leaning against Ian's bed drinking tea and Bryan was sitting on a chair at Ian's desk drinking coffee. Ian was drinking tea.

'You mean we've all been sitting here, freezing our arses off just for you to say,' Spencer tries to do a Ian voice, 'Hey I've an idea, I'll put the heating on.Bleeeuuuh'

Ian glared at Spencer. 'I forgot we had heating. i didn;t say bleeeeuuuh.'

'How can you forget?' Tala asked.

Ian shrugged his shoulders and left the room. He came back a few minutes later and the room started to heat up, slowly. 'So what are we going to do today? We could go to the tournament. The white tigers are going up against that new team, The fogs.'

'The fogs? What kind of team name is that?' Spencer asked.

'Dunno. Hey fluffy?' Tala said to Kai who glared at him. 'Are you sure Hiro is alright with you staying over at mine? He didn't look to happy.'

'Oh he's just jealous. He's got a crush on me.' Kai replied.

'Really!?' Ian asked in shock.

'No don't be stupid. He's straight, he's not happy with me because I'm back on the team. He doesn't trust me. Although I wish he were gay…'

Everyone looked at him, they were all confused. Does Kai like Hiro? They always thought he liked Ray. Bryan cleared his throat. 'So how about some lunch?'

* * *

In the kitchen Ian looked around for something good to eat. Kai found some extra strong cheese, Macaroni cheese, sticky toffee pudding, and honey all in the fridge. Spencer looked at the macaroni. 'This stuff is crap.'

'Yeah I know. Mum always puts more cheese in it for more flavour.' Ian said.

There was two tubs of macaroni, three tubs of sticky toffee pudding and one jar of honey. They decided to cook it all in the microwave. Ian wanted some porridge with honey, his mother always heated the honey up, at least he thinks she did. Tala grated cheese and put it in a bowl. They couldn't be bothered shoving everything into the oven so they put it in the microwave. But seeing how they don't know much about microwaves, they didn't pierce the cling foil that covered the macaroni and sticky toffee pudding meaning it would explode. Ian put some honey into a bowl and put it in. he set the timer for five minutes.

While they waited they all went into the living room which was nice and warm and spoke about other bladers sexuality. They all agreed that Oliver, Tyson, Max, Michelle, Emily for some weird reason, Johnny, Lee, Ray, Kane from team psykick, Dunga, Ozuma, Miguel, Brooklyn and Kai are all gay. Stevin, Hiro, Jim from team psykick, Robert and Dunga are all bi-sexual. Everyone else is straight. Although Kai does have his suspicions that Bryan and Spencer are gay.

BOOM! SPLAT! Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

They five boys looked at the kitchen door were the boom and splat came from and of course the hummmmmmm of the microwave. They all stood up and went into the kitchen. They looked at the microwave. The window was covered in food. 'Oh no.' Ian muttered.

He put the timer to zero turning the microwave off. He opened the door and watched some cheese that had explode for some weird reason fall down onto the bowl below. It was a mess. He took the tubs and bowls out and put them in the bin or sink. Kai looked into the microwave and spotted something black. 'Ugh no way. Ian you cooked a fly. Or a spider.'

'Did I?' He went over to the microwave and there was something that looked like it had legs but he couldn't tell what it was.

'Maybe it's a raisin.' Bryan said.

'No its got legs.' Kai replied.

'What's a raisin?' Spencer asked. Everyone sighed.

'A raisin is that little black wrinkled currant thing stupid.' Bryan explained. 'It's probably just a bug.'

'I don't have bugs in my microwave!' Ian protested.

'Yeah sure you don't.' Spencer said.

'I cant see what it is. It's too far back. Do you think it might be hair?' Kai asked.

'Ugh!' Tala said. 'That's horrible.'

'Its food! Not a fly or anything like that!' Ian said angrily.

'Only one way to find out.' Spencer walked forward and peered in. He needed to go closer so he put his head right in to see. All his friends couldn't believe how dumb he was, he's going to get cheese and toffee all over his hair. 'I think Ian's right. Yep its cake.' The whole microwave moved back as he tried to remove his head. He grabbed the sides and tried to pull his head out. No success. He tried again but failed, it just hurt his hair. '…uh oh.'

'What?' Bryan asked.

'MY HEADS STUCK!!' He stood up straight lifting the microwave up with his head. He yanked at the microwave to get it of but failed miserably so he did the next smart thing, panic. He ran around the kitchen and pulled the plug out of its socket. 'ITS STUCK! MY HEADS STUCK IN THE MICROWAVE! HELP!! I CANT GET IT OFF!!' The rest of them roared with laughter. Kai was filming it his mobile. The mobile shook with all his laughing. Spencer continued to run around with the microwave on his head and ran into a wall.

'HELP ME!! I'M STUCK!! WAAAAAAAAAAH!! NOOOOOO!! OH GOD IT SMELLS LIKE STRONG CHEESY FEET!! UGH!!'

Tala had to run of to the bathroom before he wet himself, Ian was on the floor laughing, Bryan was pointing at Spencer and laughing and Kai was trying his best to keep the mobile still. Spencer finally came to his senses and stay still. He calmed down a bit and tried to pull the microwave off his head. Bryan decided to help, he grabbed the microwave, still laughing and pulled.

'AAAAAAAAARGHH!! STOP YOU FUCKING IDIOT!! MY HAIR!! MY HAIR!!'

Bryan let go and bend over in laughter. 'ITS NOT FUNNY!!' Kai struggled to catch his breath through all his laughing, he hasn't seen something this funny since the time Tyson sat on the barbeque and his trousers caught fire. This was definitely going on you tube, maybe he'll post it off too 'you've been framed' and get two hundred and fifty dollars for it. Or he could post it to the news if Spencer ever bugged him.

Tala came back, he was still laughing. He laughed so much he had to sit on the toilet in order to pee otherwise the toilet seat would have gotten wet. He laughed even harder when he saw that Spencer still had the microwave on his head. Of all the things Spencer could do…he was usually the smart one, it was Kai that did dumb things.

'GUYS ITS NOT FUNNY!! HELP ME GET THIS THING OFF!!'

It took another fifteen minutes for everyone to calm down Kai had put his phone away ready for blackmail. The four boys grabbed the microwave and pulled. Spencer screamed the house down, the microwave wasn't budging. Spencer kicked and punched everyone away, making them all angry.

'Look we cant help if your going to kick us Spenc.' Bryan told him.

'It's not just that. It must really hurt.' Ian said.

'TOO FUCKING BLOODY RIGHT IT HURTS!!' Spencer (well who could it be) half shouted and half sobbed.

Tala absent-mindly scratched his head, wondering what to do. Sticky toffee, cheese. How could they unstuck him? Unless its not the cheese and toffee and its just that his head is too big. This was a hard one to figure out. How can they get his head unstuck? 'Hmm. How?'

'How what?' Ian asked.

'How are we gunna get his head unstuck what else?' Tala replied.

'I've an idea.' Kai said. Everyone, except Spencer, looked at him. 'Why don't we go onto Yahoo answers and ask for advice?'

'Hey yeah great idea Kai! Can we ask how to make brownies too?' Bryan asked with a huge hopeful smile. Kai pouted.

'Didn't need to be sarcastic about it.'

Bryan looked taken aback. 'W-what? I wasn't, I was being serious!' Kai cheered up. 'Kai it's a good idea.'

'Ian, got a computer?' Tala asked.

'Yup in my room.'

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**hope you enjoyed the first chappy!! it was fun to write! hee hee hee!! please review! **


	2. yahoo answers and Ians secret

**i'm back!! from nowhere!! i've been at college i have to get up at six catch a bus at seven sit there for two hour go to class leave at four catch the 4.50 bus sit for another two freaking long boring hours and by the time all thats done i'm nackered! luckily for me fridays my day off so i updated this!! yay for me!! its a long chappy but its worth the read.

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Chapter two

**Yahoo answers and Ian's secret**

Everyone ran up to Ian's bedroom, Spencer of course had some, er, a lot of help. Ian turned his computer on and sat on his chair to type his password. 'Ok so who's account are we going on? I don't have an account with Yahoo.'

'So how do you get emails?' Spencer asked facing the window.

'I'm with AOL.' Ian replied as Bryan turned Spencer to face the computer, not that it'll do any good. Speaking to somebody's back was a very annoying thing but speaking to a microwave? Hilarious if its on your friends head.

'I'm with Yahoo!' Kai said excitedly.

'Kai have you been eating sweets with E numbers in it?' Tala asked. (E numbers are flavourings and colourings that make children super hyper. You get them in sweets. E numbers are banned in the US but not in Britain but they are getting taking out of sweets now. We don't let my sister eat E number sweets)

'No! I've been eating ice cream!'

'That explains it.' Bryan muttered.

When they lived in the abbey they were never allowed sweets, all they ever got was water, plain bread, spinach, brousel sprouts, broccoli, carrots, potatoes, very dry chicken, dry yucky steak and if they were good an apple. Nothing else. Now that there out of the abbey sweets and ice cream make them hyper, Kai was the worse for getting sugar high.

Ian moved away from the computer letting Kai take a seat. He signed onto Yahoo and went to the question and answers page. 'Ok lets see what to type?'

'Don't use my name!' Spencer said.

_How do you unstuck your friends head out of a microwave?_

_Ok I thought this up the other day. Now picture this. You and a few friends put_

'What's he typing?' Spencer asked.

Bryan sighs. 'It says, My friend is a stupid idiot.'

_You and a few friends put macaroni cheese and sticky toffee pudding in the microwave the food exploded because you forgot to pierce the cling foil. You take the tray that the food was in and put it in the bin. The you see something black in the cheese and stand around and wonder if it's a fly or food. The one of your friends decide to take a closer look and puts his head in the microwave. He tells you it's food and tries to remove his head but its stuck. You all laugh at him and then you all pull the microwave but it doesn't come off and it hurts your friends head by pulling on his hair. So what should you do?_

Kai then posted it. Tala was impressed by his quick typing. Very impressed. He has never seen anyone type so fast, then again it could be because he was so high on sugar, he _was_ laughing his head while typing it.

'What the hell did he type?' Spencer asked.

'Nothing.' Bryan replied. 'He's sugar high so he'll laugh at anything.'

'What are we going to do while we wait?' Kai asked.

'Well you need to get your stuff. You haven't got your toothbrush or pyjamas or anything.' Tala replied.

Kai jumped up off the chair and ran out of the door, Tala gave chase praying he wouldn't fall down the stairs. Ian and Bryan looked at each other. 'Dares?' Ian suggested. Bryan smiled signalling it was a yes.

'Oh I'll start! Bryan I dare you too, um eat some cheese off this microwave.' Spencer said overly excitedly.

Bryan screwed his face up. The last thing he wanted to do was eat cheese of the microwave. 'But you have to wait I need to pee.' Spencer walked into a wardrobe then out the door. Ian and Bryan looked at each other. What if Spencer peed all over the floor or in Ian's parents bedroom?

'Spenc! Wait how can you pee when you cant see?' Ian asked.

Spencer stopped. 'Um can you guys help me?'

'NO! NO FUCKING WAY!' Bryan screamed.

'Oh why? I cant see!'

'Then you shouldn't have shoved your fat head in my microwave.' Ian said immediately regretting it.

Spencer growled and turned around, stuck his arms out in front of him and ran forward. Luckily he could not see so Ian was safe from getting strangled. Spencer however was very unlucky, he ran into Ian wardrobe.

* * *

'Sooo you like Hiro?' Tala asked Kai as the got closer to Tyson's house.

'Yep. He's hot don't you think so?'

'…Uh…' Tala did think he was hot but, hang on. Did he just think in his head that Hiro was hot? He's not gay! At least he thinks he isn't. Kai started laughing.

'There's no need to look so freaked out Tal, I know your straight. Hmm now how can get Hiro to notice me?' Kai asked himself more that Tala.

'Kai has it ever occurred to you that Hiro might be straight?'

'No. He is definitely gay. I've seen him looking at guys. And he's never had a girlfriend.'

'Hmmm.' Tala really didn't think Hiro was gay.

They went into Tyson's house where Kai was staying. He got some clothes and his toothbrush and put it in a bag. They went into the kitchen where Tyson who was stuffing his face as usual, Max who was hyper, Kenny who was typing on his laptop and Hiro who was drinking coffee, all were. Hiro looked at Kai and Tala and frowned.

'Got your stuff Kai?' Kenny asked.

'Yep.'

'Toothbrush?'

'Yes.'

'Pyjamas?'

'Yes!' Kai was getting annoyed now.

'Are you sure?'

'Yes!'

'Calm down Kai.' Tala warned him.

Hiro sniffed loudly making everyone look at him. 'Yes Hiro?' Kai asked as nicely as he could. 'I didn't say anything.' Hiro replied.

'Right well, I'll see you all tomorrow night then.' Kai said, still trying to sound nice.

'Where are you going?' Tyson asked.

'To Tala's remember?' Kai replied.

'The whole night!?'

'Yes. I'm sleeping over.'

Tyson gasped. 'A SLUMBER PARTY? Oh my god can I come?'

'No and its _not_ a slumber party!'

'It has to be!' Tyson gasps again 'Oh my god!'

'What?' Kai asked getting angry.

'A sleep over? That means you putting make up on! And trying on dresses!!'

'No! We're! Not!'

'But you must be! that's what a sleep over is.'

'Oh so when you have a sleep over you put on make up and dresses?' Kai asked through gritted teeth.

'No I'm not gay. When none gay guys stay at other guys houses we call that 'staying over at a friends house' get it?'

'Kai lets get going shall we? We still have Spencer to deal with. You'll need to check if anyone answered your question.'

Kai turned to look at him and stopped when he saw Tyson's microwave. The memory of Spencer running around with a microwave on his head. Tala looked at the microwave and they both burst out laughing. Everyone looked at each other.

* * *

'Oh look Kai's question has been answered.' Bryan said looking at Ian's computer.

'Yeah?' Ian asked.

They heard the front door slam shut. Kai and Tala must be back. Spencer meanwhile had gone off to find the bathroom, where will he pee? Oh god knows. Kai and Tala came up the stairs and into Ian's bedroom. 'Hey guys. Any answers?' Tala asked

'Take a look for yourself.' Bryan replied. Tala and Kai read all the pen names and answers

Chocolate face- 'film it and put it on you tube'

Frilly willy- 'is this a trick question?'

Joan- 'what the fuck?'

Andrew the bully- 'wow you must be really bored to have thought this up'

Old man- 'pull harder?'

Chicken is goooood- 'oh dude that is seriously weird man. How about you come off the weed dude.'

'All the answers are crap!' Kai said.

'Hm, hey where Spencer?' Tala asked looking around to find no Spencer.

'OH MY GOD HE NEEDED TO PEE!!' Ian shouted.

'Waaaahhh!' Spencer cried from somewhere. He suddenly came running into the bedroom and ran into the wardrobe, again. Only this time he knocked it down revealing…

'What the fuck is that?' Bryan asked.

Revealing a big black thing on the wall. But what is it? Lets have a closer look. Loads of spiders all together forming a black thing on the wall. They all just sat there motionless. Spencer stood up and staggered a bit away from the wall. Ian knew they were spiders but Kai, Tala and Bryan just thought it was mould. (and now the weird bit)

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'_Sir! Our mountain of wood has collapsed!' _Johnny the generals messenger told him.

The general spider looked at him. '_What? It cant be! How? It must be the Bedyterans! They are attacking us!' _

All the spiders had the generals full attention. '_My eight legged spider-men! The time has come to fight the enemy! We must defeat the Bedyterans!!' _All the spiders cheered but of course the Blitzkrieg boys couldn't hear them. '_CHARGE!!_' All the spider moved down the wall and Tala, Kai and Bryan realised what the black mould really was. A huge group of spiders!

* * *

Under the bed

CRASH! All the spiders paused in what they were doing and gathered together. The general and king, who were tarantulas, stood before them. '_It seems my fellow spiders and tarantulas, that the Woodobloodos are attacking! They have destroyed there own fortress who knows why! But we have tarantulas! What do they have? Puny spiders! Were are stronger! We must attack!' _

All the spiders and Tarantulas came running towards the wardrobe. Kai was moving away from the wall of spiders who were now on the floor. Never in any of there lives have they ever seen such an amount of spiders in one bedroom. 'Ian? What the fuck is this?' Bryan asked.

'OH MY FUCKING GOD!!' Kai screamed. They looked around and saw more spiders and five tarantulas coming out from under Ian's bed!? (oh god I better not have nightmares tonight) 'JESUS CHRIST!!' Bryan screamed.

'What? What's going on?' Spencer asked.

* * *

In Ian's drawers which is just next to the bed but across from where the Blitzkrieg boys were standing. More spiders and tarantulas were in Ian's empty bottom drawer that was open slightly.

'_My children.' _The queen spoke. '_I'm afraid the Bedyterans and Woodobloodos are at war.'_

The king stepped forward (king and queen of this lot are tarantulas by the way) '_It has come to our attention that the promised land, the holy land that our fore fathers told us would be our homes known as Ian's wardrobe has been destroyed. We must stop this war!'_

The spiders all came running out of the drawers, much to the shock of the Blitzkrieg boys. 'OH MY FUCKING GOD! THE SPIDERS ARE ATTACKING!!' Ian screamed.

'No really? We never noticed!' Bryan shouted back. The sound of the spiders feet could be heard as they crawled onto the wardrobe. (why am I writing this? I hate spiders!!) the spiders crawled over each other. 'Oh I think there mating.' Bryan said calmly.

'There trying to make friends?' Spencer asked dumbly.

'No oven head there fucking each other.'

'_We must stop this fighting!' _The king of Droopyloos shouted. Every spider stopped in mid battle. '_WE MUST UNITE TOGETHER FOR WE ARE THE SAME! WE SHOULD ALL BAND TOGETHER AND BATTLE THE TALL FOUR LEGGED CREATURES KNOW AS HUMANS!!' _

Al the spiders looked at each other. Then the king of Bedyterans spoke. '_HE IS RIGHT! THE HUMANS STARTED THIS WAR! WE MUST KILL THEM!!' _

All the spiders cheered. 'What are they doing? There just sitting there.' Tala said.

'What's sitting where? What's going on?' Spencer asked.

'Ian, where did all these spiders come from?' Bryan asked.

'Um…well, you see I never clean behind my wardrobe or under my bed and one day um I went online and ordered spiders and tarantulas I thought they were plastic cuz I was going to put them in my parents bed for revenge. The embarrassed me by making me try on new trousers in front of the T.V crew I never knew they were there. So um the plastic spiders were real and they escaped and hid around my room. I never told my parents.'

'Your moving back to Russia in three weeks time. How were you going to explain this to you folks?' Bryan asked.

'I dunno I never…'

Before Ian could finish the Bedyterans, Woodobloodos and the Droopyloos charged at the five boys. The four of them screamed making Spencer scream. The spiders moved fast and were already climbing up there shoes. (starts chewing on fingers eeeeeewww!!)

'AAAAAAAHHH!!'

They all kicked there legs, except Spencer, to get the spiders off. Kai started jumping up and down squashing some spiders. Tala and Bryan jumped up onto Ian's desk. Spencer felt something on his arms, he grabbed it and felt it. It had eight legs, thick legs and fast body and fat head. Whatever could it be?

'SPENCER YOUR HOLDING A FUCKING TARANTULA!!' Bryan screamed.

'Oh my god!' Spencer threw it down and started swinging his arms and legs around.

'WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!' Bryan screamed.

He and Tala jumped of the desk, successfully killing spiders. Tala grabbed Kai's wrists while Bryan kicked spiders away from Ian and Spencer took a gun out of his pocket and started shooting the ground. 'OH MY GOD! SPENCER NO!' Tala screamed.

Spencer continued to shoot randomly at the floor. Body's of spiders flew everywhere hitting the other boys. Spider blood and legs sprayed everywhere. Spider crawled up all of there body's, they tried desperately to get them off. Spencer was too busy shooting the ground and ran out of bullets.

Tala had had enough and got out the room still holding onto Kai. Bryan got out dragging a blind Spencer with him, He'll get Ian later. He dragged Spencer down stairs and outside before running back in to save Ian. Kai and Tala jumped up and down to get the spiders off and inspected each other.

In Ian's bedroom the spiders were in control. Ian had slipped on a tarantula and fell. The spiders were all over him, spraying web stuff all over him. Bryan came into the room. Ian held a hand out. 'SAVE ME! PLEASE HELP ME! THERE UP MY TROUSER AND CRAWLING AROUND MY BODY! PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE!'

Bryan ran out of the room, Ian's pleading disturbed him greatly. He hated hearing people plead now he was out of the abbey, not because they sounded pathetic and weak, but because they are in pain. He hated his friends being in pain. He grabbed a mop that was in the upstairs cupboard for some reason and came back into the bedroom.

'ALL RIGHT YOU FREAKY BASTARDS! COME AND GET SOME YOU FUCKING FREAK!' He swished the mop around hitting spiders and making them fly all over the place. He battered them off Ian and threw the mop down. He lifted Ian and threw him over his shoulder and ran out of the room. Soon enough he joined his friends.

'Ian! Are you ok?' Tala asked.

'Yeah I t-think so.'

'ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE KEEPING THEM IN YOUR ROOM?' Bryan screamed.

'I'm not going back in there again! Ever!' Kai shouted.

'Hey guys? I've got two tarantulas with me.' Spencer said.

'Where? I don't see any.' Bryan looked around Spencer's body.

'No I mean in the microwave. There stuck. One under my chin and the other at the back of my neck.'

Bryan looked under the gap in the microwave and indeed there was two tarantulas stuck in the cheese. The king and queen of Droopyloos. '_Sara my love. We are trapped.' _

'_Yes Karl but we are trapped together. We shall die together.' _

'_I'm sorry. It's all my fault we are trapped here.'_

'_Don't worry. I must admit something Karl.' _

'_Yes my sweet?'_

'_I'm pregnant.' _

**yes i know i'm insane writing the most horriblist fear i have before going to bed. dont ask what the last part was all about i really dont know. lol i was thnking on having the king and queen talk to each throughout the rest of the story i mean come on there part of the story now being stuck in the microwave lol i was going to get sara to say she was gay but then i thought nah. i'll have a straight couple lol a tarantula couple. i was getting cold shivers writing that. i'm not going to sleep easy tonight i've got images of spiders in my head. can you believe i thought of the spider thing when i was drying my hair? lol please review my mad chap!**

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	3. authors note

**Authors note**

I'm sorry to say but I'm deleting this story. I know terrible isn't? I have millions of college work to do and I've got far too many fanfics that need doing this isn't the only story that's I'm getting rid of. I will however be bringing this story and others back some time in the future but for now I'm deleting sorry.


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